…”Soph, why didn’t it ever have a follow-up?”

those were the words that my best bud J asked me last Saturday, as we were talking about people we like. I didn’t know what to answer her, so I just said in “well, I don’t know, ” in an honest demeanor.

It’s as if I didn’t want it to happen. It’s as if I didn’t want to have a “follow-up.”

As I am chained in the body of the “weaker sex” as they call it , I’ve never ever felt weak in my entire life, as I debated, defended that women were just as equal as men.

It’s just this time, I really felt weak. Helpless. Unable to do anything. Powerless.

As my mind screams in telepathy to his well-shielded mind on how much I’d like to know that someone, and spend more time with that someone , I feel his shield as my feelings are blown away, with the wind, as they fly to the land where no messages are answered.

I know in my mind that I have accomplished things, and I am proud of whatever I have attained right now, and to tell you a secret..

I’ve never felt more meaningless, as if my achievements meant nothing, when I am with this person.

My brains which I have carefully stored precious pieces of knowledge, all become scrambled when he talks. I listen, and as I speak, I end up stuttering. I hardly make my point come across.

I cried buckets watching Grey’s Anatomy in that episode wherein Denny Duquette was explaining that all he has now, in his afterlife, is just “moments” with Izzie, when they’re at the same place, at the same time, but nothing’s the same. All they could have are moments, and nothing more.

Would I settle for moments? Appreciate whatever gifts I would have from destiny, perhaps from a stolen glance, a frozen moment in time when I see a smile, or maybe feel my bones soften when I’d hear a playful banter from him?

“Well , you know what J , it’s really nothing. Hey, out of sight, out of mind. Whenever he’s not around, I don’t ever miss him, it’s when he’s there when I feel myself giggling.”