There are some things that when you haven’t felt, touched, or tasted for a long time, you forget how it feels experiencing it, to the point that it becomes strangers to your eyes, or worse, to your senses.

I might think that my long forgotten delight is well, chocolate. With my anamnesis, I remember that chocolate as a warm, rich, sweet delight that goes straight to one’s heart and soul. It is not only a delicious treat, it also releases endorphins that makes your lips twitch with happiness. I remember smiling because of chocolate.

And I wonder, what took me so long to look for it again?

I was just so busy, living my days on a diet, shunning myself from sweets. I learned to live without chocolate because I was better off without it. I once loved chocolate so much that it drove me to gain weight. With my unhappiness, I decided to get it out of my life.

Why? When I ate chocolate, I lost all of my control. I’ve never felt helpless in my entire life, as my appetite made me crave, and crave, and as a result, there came to a point wheren I could not live without chocolate anymore. I was endlessly drugged . Addicted to a very unhealthy level. Until the day when I saw myself - alas, I have gained weight. I looked at myself in the mirror - and ended up the person I saw. I broke down with bitterness and despair . One day, I said to myself, no more chocolate.

One day, I saw a bar of chocolate right in front of me, and I felt a pang of sadness. I know that I could easily have it if I willed myself to have it, and just reach for it, but something dawned on me - I do not recognize it anymore. It looked foreign. Much of a stranger. Unrecognizable. It’s just been so long. Because of that, I would not bring myself to reach for it and take a bite. Fear welled upon me. Would it taste sweet and make me forget everything else? Will nothing ever matter once I take a bite? Would it taste bitter? Would I regret trying it again? Will it give me a toothache? Will I be addicted and make my senses sway? Will I resent it and vow never to eat chocolate again? And most of all, will I get fat and ugly, only to be unhappy again, and to be forever slave to my insecurity and depression?

Will I lose control again? I have loved the feeling of being in control as I started my diet. It stripped me of the delight of the tastebuds , alright, but I was perfectly in shape. I didn’t know if I needed something that would make my senses sway again.

A few wise friends of mine, who are chocolate connoiseurs have reassured me that it isn’t as bad as it seems, and I should take my time when I’m ready to take my next bite again. I shrugged them off and told them that there might be no time to enjoy such a gastronomic delight as I was on a diet. They told me that no matter how much I was on a diet, I’d always have the urge to taste even a little bit of chocolate because after all, it is one guilty pleasure that drives the senses wild with its exquisite soul-shattering taste. Well, I don’t know.

Something tells me to take a good bar of Crunch and just …bite. Well, that would, if I ever see a bar chocolate in front of me again. A good bar, that is.