There are times when I’d like to give up on some things, that just don’t go the way I want them to be.

Looks like some things, no matter how hard you work hard for, just don’t materialize.

But then, should the blame rest on you?

Well yeah, you try to do everything to deserve the rays of the sun, and yet the rain falls down on you.

In the brink of giving up, you ask yourself, “is there no turning back?”

And you wished time could have flown faster. Specially if it meant healing.

Darnit, I love Marimar. I love Sergio. I love Marian Rivera. I love Dingdong Dantes.

This is one of those episodes again that made me cry.

Sergio tignan mo ko, ayaw mo ba kong maging masaya? Sergio, kung ang kakambal ng pagmamahal mo ang ay ang masaktan ako, sige tatanggapin ko yon. Sergio saktan mo nalang ako mas gugustuhin ko yon kaysa sa di mo ko mahalin dahil mahal kita, Sergio mahal na mahal na mahal kita , mahal kita Sergio mahal na mahal kita d ko kaya, mahal kita sabihin mo sakin.

Okay, I’m officially in tears again. Hahaha. Goodness embarrassing.

Everything just for love.

When pleasant surprises happen in your life, your heart just skips a beat, as your lips finally twitch into a smile, thanking the heavens for the great fortune it has bestowed upon you. Been a good girl perhaps? Life is good. But when it is the opposite, it’s rather different.

It’s like a nightmare that you just can’t escape from, as you tirelessly shake your head with the hopes of waking up, as you realize that there is indeed blood drawn as you try to hurt yourself awake. What have you done to deserve such? You check. Turns out all your life, you’ve put other people’s welfare before yours, and now, even those memories won’t help you justify why you shouldn’t be the one wanting to run away. Far, far away.

It is such a sad picture for someone to get disillusioned with the way things are as he/she has always trusted one part of the world to be constantly right. The world could be a circus full of harsh elements that can do nothing but harm one’s soul, but that one safety place, one last haven, when lost, kills someone slowly day by day.

He/she has nowhere to hide, nowhere to cry, nowhere to rest anymore. No more peace.

The soul once whole, has now a hole that flaws the entire meaning of its existence. The view of the world’s already dented. Irreparable.

This someone needs to sleep. For a long, long time. Maybe when she/he finally wakes up, the nightmare would be all over.
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When I was younger, there was a nasty rumor that I was a witch.

Now, when nobody believed in it anymore, I wished that rumor never died.

I have just noticed lately that all my very close friends are sort of “exorcising” me.
They keep on telling me that there is still so much goodness left in the world, and there are still alot of nice people around, who want to be with nice people like me ( charing, true friends lang kayo. )

Then, it dawned upon me that the term “benefit of the doubt” didn’t make any sense to me anymore.

I always chose to believe the worst , instead of trusting people because it was the easy way.
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I got this from Angel’s blog.

—-

Leave a comment and I’ll reply by answering the following.

1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Are you game?

Just yesterday I realized that life has already taken me so far from where I’ve used to be. New game, new rules.

I’ve been brought up with the thought stuck in my mind that I must always do what I think is right, what I think is fair, and what I think is just.

Why is it just now, it doesn’t seem to be that way anymore?
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It’s roughly two before I hit the beach. No matter how much I want to book the next flight to Boracay, heaven must wait.

I’m drowning in a pile of work, and to add to that, I’m moving to another place ( across the street? haha! ). So much packing to do and I’ve been given a deadline. Oh drat.

It’s also a blessing that I still have two months ( or one and a half? ) because I need, need, need, to work on my figure. Twould be an impossible feat to do what Phoebe told me Jessica Alba’s routine was. I’m wanting to swim this weekend but it’s my baby sister Shine’s Holy Communion. Would have to torture myself next weekend to try to do a hundred laps no matter what it takes. And not eat too much right after. Haha!
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If I were asked what my greatest temptation is - it’d be FOOD.

Yes. Delectable, soul-filling, mind-blowing food. I love food above everything else, and this is where I don’t budget at all ( that leaves me broke, too? Haha! ) Would you budget on something that makes you smile?

It’s a love and hate relationship, really.
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.

I admit that I’ve always been quite a skeptic, a free thinker, when it comes to matters of the faith.

I would truly enjoy observing and reading on how each person would see the world, because I believe that no one has the same pair of eyes that can see the world just the same. Take example, for me.

I would wake up questioning why I own my voice, my body, and heavily doubt my senses, specially my eyes as I wake up in the world, an arrangement of me with the people - family, friends, even mysterious people that would come into my life. I would question what happens if these turn out all to be false , my existence perhaps? I question what the truth really is.

Anyway, before I get carried away, I was quite intrigued about Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials Trilogy when TV Patrol showed a clip of The Golden Compass ( starring oh so elegant Nicole Kidman and hot(cube) Mr Bond ) as being anti-Church. Being the skeptic as I am, I immediately wikipedia-ed it and learned that Philip Pullman has some atheistic tendencies in his writings ( the undertones ) and boy, was I game to read them. Anything that would shake my mind would do just fine.
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