The truth about me is that, when I feel that I am a natural with some things, I let myself flourish with it. But another thing about me is that, when I get interested with something, find fascination and meaning in it, and learn that I actually am bad at doing it, I don’t give up. My frustration challenges me further even if it takes me to take on the steep learning curve.

Let me backtrack during my highschool-college crisis. I was really really bad with math way back, blame it on a bad foundation starting 1st year highschool. Come senior year in highschool, an amazing teacher made me look at math otherwise and I saw myself improving in it. I found math fascinating because it was such an exact science and it was used way back during the ancient times by the Sumerians. When I transferred to my chosen university, I was thinking hard on what course I should take. History was my first choice because I was wildly passionate about it during highschool ( remembering how I devoured books about Alexander the Great ), but then at the back of my mind, I wanted to give myself a chance to study math, and get to appreciate it for real. I chose Economics.

Why? Because Economics reconciles math, and theory. You could explain Economics via Math. In Economics, I would see stories whenever I’d see equations. I left my comfort zone ( being world history and journalism inclined ) and braved the wild to learn from scratch even if it meant me grappling, struggling, because I wasn’t good at it. I spent my college years not sleeping, taking extra effort, but it felt just fantastic when I felt my hard work pay off as I graduated with Honors in the end. It was unbelievable, but I was happy that I was able to conquer a frustration with determination.

Years have passed and I never thought I’d experience the same thing again - this time, with photography.

See, my eyes must be very closely attached with my emotions, because I feel alot. Whenever I’d go places, I’d feel something new - I would feel in awe, sometimes, even close to tears as I would wonder how God would make such a wonderful place for me to see. Those emotions are rare, and somehow, I’d like to keep them with me. Capture their spirit, perhaps. With one thing - photography.

As I would gaze on Gunther Deichman’s photos that never fail to evoke my emotions, I wonder, could I ever do that? I must admit, when I first bought my DSLR camera, I thought it was really easy to use it. I would look at the place that I’d love to capture on photo, smile, then take a shot of it. But when I saw the pictures in my computer, I’d be left disappointed as it would look plain and meaningless. That frustrated me all the more, and pushed me to study.

If photography was a book, I guess I’d ace it because I think I am the queen of memorization - but it isn’t . It is beyond facts and trivia, and needed a natural talent and eye for composition, and much much more. Even intention wouldn’t be enough. My pictures that my eyes would see were far, far away from the photos I took. Somehow, I would wish that I was a natural at this, or maybe a fast learner like some of my friends. I’ve been grappling, struggling, at a very slow pace.

But with that admission, I am still not giving up on this craft. I feel determined enough to be able to take good photos that evoke emotions one day.

Thanks to my friends who have been supportive, I hope one day I’d make them proud. By now, I’m learning at my own pace, driven by passion. I’m hoping it’d pay off.