Way back in college, I’ve always loved all my literature subjects. That explains while up to now, I still could not forget the stories we’ve discussed, the poems we’ve recited aloud, and one of the unforgettable stories that I’ve studied is called Araby, written by Irishman James Joyce.

Such a timely story, which perfectly describes my life right now.

To sum it up, it’s about a boy who lived in Dublin, who had all this grandeur visions of Araby, a carnival of some sorts with an exotic setting of the Middle East, and aside from that, he is also smitten with a girl, which, when he just becomes unexplainably shy when she talks to him. Upon various begging his parents to let him go to Araby, he was allowed, but was not prepared for the real Araby that greeted him as he arrived there from a tiring journey. It wasn’t as beautiful as he’d envisioned it to be , with most stalls closed, dark corners, and even flesh trade in action. He leaves Araby disappointed, and in rage.

I’ve always believed in “mad, crazy, can’t live without you love” for the longest time and I thought that as we grow up, eventually, I’d find someone just perfect for me, and we’d live happily ever after. Every single year added to my life, adds up to my giddiness, and excitement, that maybe, my time’s going to come. My moment when I finally get to meet the one. I promised myself that when I finally get to earn the heaven’s good graces and meet him, I would take care of him, cherish him with all my life, and make life blissful for both of us.

You giddily prepare yourself to meet the one , believing that he was made for you, and spend endless nights transforming yourself into the best that you can be, only to find out that he isn’t interested. Nor even cares. Not a second glance, not much attention, I’m afraid. You are just a faceless person that he did not see what a beautiful soul you are, and just thoughtlessly passes you by. He didn’t seek to connect. What else do you have to do? Walk away, with dreams shattered.

Looking back now, I now know, that the journey to love is far, far from the fairytales and the promises that I’ve heard and believed about. They failed to mention fears, disappointments, risks, and even chances that there might not be a happy ending after all. Every heartbreak kills my innocence, and every unmerciful twist of fate makes my idealistic beliefs fade away.

Would you know the song “What’s Forever For,” wherein the line goes, “If love never, lasts forever, tell me, what’s forever for?”.

Disillusion. With nothing to hold on to , I am unable to fully know where I’m headed for, with no light to guide my way. Total darkness. At a loss for direction. Hope dangling in a dangerous balance - should I still count on something?

The arrival to Araby is a rude awakening. It truly is. One can only hope to stay at home, and keep to himself the grandeur visions, perhaps aptly called illusions of love, but the strong believer in oneself seeks to reconcile dreams with reality , that often don’t connect at all, and leaves one in utter frustration and disappointment.

Well, c’est la vie, we can only hope for a good night’s sleep. At least.