Sometimes, when you get burned, and as the pain would persist, you develop some immunity, as your senses start to numb. You get accustomed to the same feeling everyday and sooner or later, it becomes something default.

Right now, I no longer hope for salvation. I’ve accepted certain realities, I am slowly evolving, even if it is not from my own volition.

I was surprised myself as my outlook slowly changed from being idealistic into someone who doesn’t believe in good stuff anymore. I still feel that others deserve their happy endings, I still encourage them not to lose their believing in magic, but I couldn’t say the same for me. I also do believe in fleeting fancies.

A wise person advised me that fleeting fancies - just-for-the-moment pleasures or fun, as we call them, are not concrete solutions, or rather, would not solve any problem we have. I argued - don’t I deserve some lucid interval in all this insanity? Just like I love painkillers. They stop the pain for the moment. I believe we all deserve to cut ourselves some slack and do whatever we can to stop the pain, even if the alleviating feeling is fleeting and only lasts a few moments. We just can’t be in agony all the time.

It’s different now. I’ve thrived on my own. I’ve already learned to be detached. I don’t need any saving, either.